Parents often believe that they have good relationship with their teenagers. But last summer Joanna and Henry noticed a change in their older son. Suddenly he seemed to talk far more to his friends than to his parents. "The door to his room is always shut," Joanna noted.
Tina and Mark noticed similar changes in their 14-year-old daughter. "She used to cuddle up against me on the sofa and talk," said Mark. "Now we joke that she does this only when she wants something. Sometimes she wants to be treated like a little girl and sometimes like a young lady. The problem is understanding which time is which."
Before the age of 11, children like to tell their parents what's on their mind. "In fact parents are the first on the list," said Michael Riera, author of Uncommon Sense for Parents with Teenagers. "This completely changes during the teen years," Riera explained. "They talk to their friends first, then maybe their teachers, and their parents last."
Parents who know what's going on in their teenagers' lives are in the best position to help them. To break down the wall of silence, parents should create chances to understand what their children want to say, and try to find ways to talk and write to them. And they must give their children a mental break, for children, they also need freedom, though they are young. Another thing parents should remember is that to be a friend, not a manager, with your children is a better way to know them.
